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This is because most people just won't understand real discipline spanking. They get "BDSM". Ride on the back of that to keep from people considering you a "wife-beater" or "battered wife". They're not going to "get it". Don't even try.
What's even BETTER known is, even if you would LOVE to tell your family what you do and how your relationship works, you don't. You shouldn't.
But it's hard if you have a family member that REALLY needs it. Take James' family. You've never seen so many girls in one family that need a spanking. It's ridiculous. There's…
- My sister-in-law. She's just turned 21, and has more than 10 speeding tickets (all for going significantly (20+ mph) over the speed limit). She's failed most of her college classes, dropped out, is late to everything and parties every night. She's recently started smoking, too. When she speaks, she's nothing but bratty, selfish and sarcastic. What's really horrible about the situation is that she's a good, hard-working girl who just needs a decent, hard-working well-adjusted guy to give her a spanking every day for a year or so, and she'd be fixed right up. She's pretty too… Any guys out there up for a challenge? What's harder about her, is James KNOWS for a FACT that when she was a child she was just as interested in spanking as he was (nothing creepy, just from her keen interest in specific scenes in books like Little House on the Prairie, Caddie Woodlawn, and other books where a discipline spanking is described). But, they haven't talked about it at all for 12 years or so, and never in the context of a DD relationship. However, chances are that she's still into it. Anyway... If a willing (and age appropriate J) guy wants to be set up in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area… I'd make arrangements for the right guy. That's all I'm saying.
- James' cousin. Barbara is a hard worker, and dependable when it comes to showing up to family functions. She's a successful lawyer, and she's good at her job. Too bad that she's in her early 30s and there's very little HOPE that she'll ever marry. Even though she's beautiful. Why? Because she's the rudest person you've ever met in your life. You get used to it—her family brushes it off based on the fact that she's OCD and slightly bipolar—but she's not rude because of either of those things. You can tell that she's just rude because she thinks that makes her cool. Don't get me wrong. You can NOT spank OCD or bipolar out of someone, nor should you try, those are real psychological issues. However, neither of those FORCES a person to be rude, and when people tolerate that behavior it just reinforces it. I feel bad for her, because it seems like nobody has ever stood up to her about anything, instead they just refuse to get close to her.
James' other cousin. Hillary is nice, but very lazy. Her parents' house is close to being foreclosed on, and her father lost his job, yet she still won't get her own apartment or make any attempt to pay rent. Far more interested in buying a new cell phone. I don't know if spanking can cure selfish, but I would sure like to see it tried! That's most of James' female relatives! At least in this generation. And they all need a spanking. But not just any spanking—one from a very, very patient guy who cares a lot about results and can see hidden potential. Someone who's not perturbed by a fixer-upper.
James and I actually plan to break the "no telling family" rule one day. We think it would be good to eventually tell James' mother that I do bring in some income, and at least some aspects of what I actually DO. But we want to wait until I'm pregnant with her SECOND grandchild (not the first, but the second). That way, we'll have been married for about six years and she'll be able to see that we're perfectly happy and well-invested in our relationship and that it's something that really, truly works. But we can never tell anyone else. Nobody else would have a chance of getting it. Certainly not MY parents. My brother would understand but he would tell my parents as soon as I told him.
I think the most horrible thing, as you can see, is seeing a problem, and thinking it could be fixed, but not being able to offer your advice. Like to James' sister—she might really want a guy who spanks her. I'm 90% sure that she would. But that 10% leaves us in a world of doubt… SHOULD we tell her what we do? Maybe she would find some match on the internet. I don't know what to do. I want to see her leading a better life than she is now. She needs to be reigned in, and her loser-boyfriend, who's she's not even that serious with—ain't gonna do it. He can barely manage his own life!
5 comments:
We too have family members that could use a spanking, and for reasons very similar to the ones you've outlined. Have some friends that also fall into the same category. Thing is... if they're not wired for the idea, there is a pretty good chance they'll be 'unhappy' if you bring it up.
And think about it... you're sister-in-law is a pretty immature young lady. If you guess wrong and she is 'unhappy' with what you suggest... how likely do you think it is that she'll be mature and diplomatic about rejecting the idea?
What cam work is being open to questions and adult conversation. Create an atmosphere that encourages two way communication. Combine that with a content and happy lifestyle that is free of the conflict and drama that engulfs many couples.
Then if your sister-in-law finds herself looking for something better for herself... and likes what she sees in your relationship... and knows you're open minded and willing to honestly discuss any topic... she'll come to you and ask questions. At that point, you can seriously consider sharing what DD and spanking is all about.
Of course, that's all based on a fear of exposure to the wrong person. We basically don't have to worry about that, and thus can usually be more open. Have to say though... we're misread 'the signs' more than a few times. What seemed like an interest in spanking was anything but. That, or "a spanking" was a couple of playful swats on the rear during sexual play... and NOT anything to do with 'discipline.'
So, tread very cautiously when you have something to lose.
:)
~Todd & Suzy
americanspankingsociety.com
Hi Todd & Susy!
As always, your experience is to be bowed to. But I don't know how I'm going to get across to Bethany (not Bethany of Bethany's WS, but Bethany my sister in law) that she can talk to me about stuff. I made her my bridesmaid so that we could hang out and become close, you know, but it's a no-go. She is elusive. She showed up 1 day before my wedding and was too sick to do much of anything, didn't help with the wedding planning at all, is more into text messages than phone calls, hasn't come to our place in over a year, and even then she'd only come with her mother. And when we go up to visit her, she's always working and wont spend more than an hour or two with us, and then she's always just waking up or is asleep.
Or otherwise I would definately use the plan that you gave. As it is, it's hard to open up conversation. However, she is open to us putting her up with a cute guy. Which is why the concept of setting her up with a spanko is so alluring a concept...
Why is it so hard to develop close relationships with people?! It should be easier than this. :)
Hi Korey, great post! We have broken the don't tell family rule, for the very reason you want to. We told our daughter and son in law because our daughter needs a spanking in the worst way!! She thinks the universe revolves around her. She is very sweet and would do anything to help but she acts like a spoiled brat when she doesn't get her way. Nothing a spanking or ten wouldn't cure! They are into erotic spanking so it isn't too much of a stretch. We told them about our dynamic and how it is working for us but then we have left it at that. If they choose to go there we will support them 100%, if not we still support them 100%. We have not told anyone else and they have been sworn to secrecy. We are very close to the both of them and our sil is like a son to us. So, good luck, if you decide to go there! Thanks for sharing this with us, it was very interesting (I was really glad to see a new post, hint, hint!)
~N
Wow--that's really interesting! That's exactly what I'm looking at in my family, only the cool thing is it worked for you (is you daughter an only child? She sounds like she is. They seem to get the "universe revolving around them" thing going pretty efficiently). This comment fills me with a found sense of hope.
But even so, this is what scares me: my SIL only likes losers. The biggest losers you've ever seen in your life. If I threw all of her boyfriends into an abyss, no one would even notice. Worthless. Even though she always talks of eventually meeting some nice, classy guy, the evidence does not sway in that favor. So, her current boyfriend, in short, ain't gonna do it. I don't want him to. He's not worthy. So I would have to match her up. BUT then we're in the "Matchmaking Conundrum", suddenly, and that's not a good place to be in.
I keep telling my husband, with a profound since of longing, that I would LOVE to start a DD matchmaking service. But then-how many are out there?
And I know, I know! I'll post more often. James and I went to a wedding, my parents came to visit, and now we're in the middle of selling out house. Life's crazy, but still--that's no excuse. I'll do better. Sorry for my unpostingness.
The funny thing is she is 2nd of 8!! She was just so spoiled by every boyfriend she ever had that she felt it was her due. And her husband wasn't any better but now he is learning.
The idea of a dd match making service is ingrigue ing (I can't figure out how to spell that word correctly so I made it up!) The only problem I see is how do you screen for a man that would be a good HOH or an abuser? I wouldn't be able to live with knowing I set up a woman with an abuser disguised as a HOH.
I think if your hubby and your father in law are good men and set a good example of how a husband acts your SIL will desire that in her own life and eventually actually look for it, rather than settle for just anything.
I look forward to reading more. It is fun to keep up with all my new "friends".
~N
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